You Can't See Deaf

Hi All,

So we have a big event taking place in the Symes house in the next week. Exciting and nerve wracking news all at the same time. Our little daughter will be having a "nail put in her head" (her words) next week. And really, it's not that far from the truth, except for the fact that it's a screw and not a nail. I'll get to that in a second.....

You can't imagine the joy we felt the day our little girl was born. We adored our boys, and from the minute we found out we were having a girl, we were both shocked and thrilled. Although she wasn't quite as planned as her brothers, we were as happy as clams to be having a daughter. That day she was born was very emotional for my husband and I. We now had a beautiful daughter, who we named after his late Mother, and it seemed like our little family was at last complete. And, at the same time, we were scared to death. We were used to boys, what would we do with a girl? Does she need a doll or something? We need to buy some dresses. Can't we just buy her a pink Tonka truck? Today, our daughter is what we refer to as a "boy in a dress". She LOVES her dresses and doing girly things, but she is as tough as nails, probably thanks in part to having 2 big brothers. She is funny, smart, and beautiful. And, she is hearing impaired.

We found out about her hearing impairment during a routine screening when she was about a month old. At first, the audiologist thought there was something wrong with the equipment when the readings (from what we call her "wonky" ear) came back at nil. After several more tries, our anxiety rising steadily, it was determined that there was a problem in one of her ears, maybe nothing serious, and she would need to come in for another test. After the next battery of tests failed, it was determined that she had a profound hearing loss in one ear, and may benefit from a hearing aid. Being the neurotic Mother I am, I was devastated thinking of her having to go through life with a hearing aid, especially through childhood.... kids can be so cruel. I see now how vain and full of self pity those thoughts were. Those were my first thoughts, but they soon changed.

After more testing, it was determined that a hearing aid would not benefit her, as it was her cochlea that was not properly formed and a hearing aid would not help her hear. Funny how perspective can change so quickly. More crying from me, but this time not for vanity reasons, suddenly vanity was the least of our problems. They were telling us our daughter would never hear as clearly as regular people. She was disadvantaged and there was nothing we could do to help her. These tears that flowed, were worries that she would miss out on opportunities in life that she deserved.

Now if you met our daughter, you may not realize she is hearing impaired. Or you might, like others do, think that she is ignoring you or just shy. Hearing impairment can't always be seen, and that is often times a challenge for us. For example, if she is in a noisy spot, like the grocery store, she can't always clearly hear what someone is saying if they're talking to her. Some people get offended by her not answering, or the way she keeps saying "what?" and I quickly tell them that she is deaf in one ear, and they always look surprised. You can't see deaf.

A couple of years ago, her wonderful audiologist told us about something called a BAHA (bone anchored hearing aid). This is something we had never heard of before, and when we read up on it, we were wondering why no doctor, ENT, APSEA(Atlantic Provinces Special Education Authority) teacher or speech therapist had ever mentioned this BAHA to us before? Since we found out about her single sided deafness, we were told the only thing that would help her was a cochlear implant, and since she could hear in one ear, she could not have that operation.

A titanium screw is inserted into the skull, behind the "wonky" ear, (the operation part) and once the skull has healed around the screw, between 3-6 months, the BAHA can snap directly on the screw and it picks up sound. The BAHA conducts the sound through the skull, and the sound is picked up by the "good" ear. It is often used for people with unilateral hearing loss.Our daughter got to test a BAHA for several weeks this summer, by wearing it on a headband pressed up against her head. When she first put the headband on, the audiologist plugged her "good ear", stood behind her and asked her if she was 7 and she said, "no, I'm 6". My husband and I nearly fell off our chairs. It was truly a miracle.

When we went back to Halifax to meet with the surgeon who will do her operation, he asked her if she liked wearing her BAHA, and she told him she didn't want to give it back. When he asked why, she said, "because I can hear". We never knew just how much she missed until then.Next week, our beautiful daughter will have the "nail" put in her head. A few months later, she will hear much better than she does right now.

Funny how I cried selfishly when I thought she was going to get a hearing aid, and now I cry with joy with the thought she will hear so much better. Perspective is a wonderful, humbling thing.

This is her beginning.

Wish us luck.

Until next time,
Michelle